Because I don't know how to pun.
Delaney Britt Brewer seems like a really nice person. Here she responds gamely to my questions:
DID YOU GO TO YOUR HIGH SCHOOL PROM? IF SO, DID YOU ENJOY IT? IF NOT, WHY?
Prom: Okay, that's a weird question for me because I went to three different high schools. The junior prom, I actually had to work. At a place, and maybe you're familiar, called chi chi's. The loose translation is: a women's breasts, boobs, what have you. I was a hostess. I was on my third highschool at that point. I washed the menues down. However, my senior year, a quiet junior asked me to the prom. I had little to no interaction with him, and the painful memory of enchilada stained khaki's and teenage heartache pulled me to a yes. I went. He kept trying to lure me to his abode, claiming, 'my parents are at a Celine Dion concert, they'll be out all night'. How all night can a night be with Celine? Hmmm....Did I enjoy it? I mean, you know, where did you come from Cotton Eye Joe...
DESCRIBE THE WORST YEAR OF YOUR LIFE.
Yipes, the worst year of my life would have to be when I graduated, kinda, college and was saving up to move to New York City. I cocktailed at an Irish Pub. Sometimes I dressed like Brittney Spears, Catholic school girl style. Just for the tips. The bartenders were mean. The clientele was ridiculous. I used to run my hand down the window slowly, like Kate Winslet in Titanic, and think, this is not my life.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE FACT THAT EVERY DAY IN THE CITY OF LOS ANGELES HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE GET THEIR ANUSES PROFESSIONALLY BLEACHED?
Anal bleaching must have been what Sting was raving about in that Fields of Gold song.
WHERE DID YOU GROW UP?
I grew up all over the place. North Carolina, then Germany, then California, then Wisconsin, then back to N.C. All had an equal impact. Though I claim North Carolina. Raise up, take your shirt off, twist it around your head like a helicoptor.
IF YOU HAD TO SPEND AN EVENING SPOONING WITH A FAMOUS NOVELIST, WHICH FAMOUS NOVELIST WOULD YOU SPOON?
Do they have to be alive now? Well my favorites are Carson McCullers or John Kennedy Toole. Though, that sounds like a depressing evening with either of those. I'd rather have a saucy evening and get drunk. So, Anais Nin.
DO YOU REMEMBER THE FIRST PLAY YOU EVER SAW? IF SO...UM, TELL ME ABOUT IT.
I think it was this adaptation of a southern novel, called Rainey. It was a community theater type of event. Either that, or Annie, after which I developed an obsession with the musical. My parents feared I'd become an Annie the Musical groupie, and sell merch to make a living.
- Delaney Britt Brewer as interviewed by Annie Baker, 11/2006