Kern: TRUE FACTS

More virulent than swine flu, bird flu, or simian humongous pox is the highly lethal lepidopteran tonsillitis. Spread by butterflies, the infection causes tonsil chrysalis, whereby the tonsils transform into radiant, colorful wings that choke the victim to death. So WARNING! Keep butterflies away from mouth. No whispering secret notes to butterflies. No polishing them with the steamy moisture of your hot breath. And if you makeout with a butterfly, please be sure to swallow a condom.