Thursday, March 31, 2011

MTA to Cut Fish Train to Space and 1, 2, 3, Fire Escape Service

Sweeping New York State budget cuts announced this week will have a deep impact on many New York City programs, from law enforcement to education, with the MTA being no exception. Among the cuts New York will be forced to make following Governor Andrew Cuomo’s budget announcement, is the removal of the Fish Train that runs from Brooklyn to Space, as well as service on the Bronx bound 1,2, and 3 lines that makes stops along fire escapes.

The cuts have set off an outcry among New York City residents, many with severely reduced options on how to commute to work. Pablo Martin, 39, a saxophonist who commutes nightly to a club in Dumbo from the Cloud he lives on, doesn’t know what he’ll do. “Without the Fish, I don’t know how I’m going to get to work,” Martin said. “Planes are expensive.” Those most affected by the Fish cuts may be those coming from the trains last stop, in the Xenon 4 galaxy, that the train travels 43 light years to get to each day. KlangX’ingto Probfjinj, 687, an alien resident recently interviewed said, “It fucking sucks.”

In a speech regarding the budget cuts, Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg said, “If we really want this city to open its doors to all walks of life we need to have the money to bring in people from space, the sky, the past, and the future.” Many riders commute using the fish’s time travel route, such as Sir Henry XI, who travels to Chelsea on occasion from the 15th century. “I’ll miss it very much, although service was pretty bad late at night. Got stuck in the 80’s a couple times.”

Other riders are pleased the train is being shut down for safety issues. Jon Carles, 32, used to ride the train weekly to see his girlfriend who lived in China. “I almost fell out of that thing every time I rode it. I even dropped my brief case once. That’s a weird train, man…people always making out on it and singing, like normal subway etiquette doesn’t even apply. I once even saw an alligator on it…a fucking alligator!”

Other service being cut by the MTA is selected fire escape stops on the 1, 2, and 3 lines from 125th st. to 250th st. Adored by many riders for the trains easy access into homes, many more seem happy to see service go. “Shit was like some wacky roller coaster or some shit,” says Marc Chou, 27, who grew nauseous on his daily commute. The MTA has been considering shutting down the lines for some time, as many privacy and vandalism lawsuits have been filed which some claim could have been prevented had trains not lead directly into their bedroom windows. Maria Cohen contacted the MTA several times to no avail. “Every time I was getting dressed a train full of people came by…it was terrible. I’m looking forward to my privacy and being able to put my laundry out again.”

No word yet on if the budget cuts will prevent the removal of the giant colorful lizard birds walking along New York City railways.


Meghan Drrns said...

Personally, I applaud the changes, and I hope that they repurpose some of this money to build a E/W line on 52nd St. It's what the people want.

MattSchatz said...

This is brilliant. The Youngblog at its best. Bravo, Sir! Bravo!