Friday, June 17, 2011

The HMS Youngblood

Meghan Deans and I have a very real, very serious artistic goal: one day, Youngblood needs to own a ship.  The natural synergies between a young playwrights group and a large expeditionary vessel are so obvious it's amazing nobody has put it together yet.

So with some regularity, we look for ships for sale online and send them to each other.  Sometimes the conversation goes like this:

Meghan:  Okay well let's not kid ourselves. That first one, that goddamn catamaran (CATAMARAN!!!) is wonderful. For chrissake, it has a massage cabin. A MASSAGE CABIN. And I love the tableau in picture B, where you could sit on the deck and... look... at... instruments? Like a guitar just hanging out? That's pretty fantastic

RJ: This is a heck of a ship but note the fuel consumption - 650-700 gallons PER DAY.  At probably $5+/gallon for marine fuel.  WHAT THE WHAT?  Clearly we're going to need a REALLY successful Kickstarter.
Meghan: But, here's what I also like, all of these "research vessels." You know how we get a "research vessel"? A Sloan grant, obviously. And if they're not going to play ball, I say, let's go all the way to the National Science Foundation. What, do they have something better to do?
My brother was on a research vessel for a couple months this spring (so jealous) and the ship itself had a website for kids, one that was clearly made to get some sweet sweet NSF funding. Education and whatnot. (They interviewed him, like, "hey kids! this is what a scientist does!" and their explanation of his research, the explanation written explicitly for children, is the first time I've actually understood what he does.)

RJ: "Pirate Ship (New)" - has the best disclaimer ever, "Pirates not included!"
Meghan: I don't even know what to say about the pirate ship. Except, what the: "Details include 6 bronze functional cannons, handmade canvases and ropes, a handmade metal-tipped anchor and also the sheathing impregnated by hot blood from oxen." OH GOOD. Because I was running low on SHEATHING IMPREGNATED BY HOT BLOOD FROM OXEN. HOT. BLOOD.

RJ: Maybe we've been aiming too high.  This one you don't dock, you park it.  Liveaboard would be a little spartan, true.
Meghan: So yeah, maybe you're right, maybe we want to go with the LARC Amphibious Vehicle. At least that one could also double as something that helps us get our IKEA furniture home.


Dylan M said...

Oh man.

A Brunch in International Waters?

I mean...

Meghan Drrns said...

Any boat magnates reading this are welcome to send us free samples! Of SHIPS

RJ said...

I just noticed that #2, the research vessel, has "BBQ/Fire pits" and "Bulbous bow under water observation chamber with 6 viewing ports." Amazing.

I can kick in like $1500 so we only need $7,998,500.

Lisa said...

Wait, you have $1500?!?

Meghan Drrns said...

#2 also has something called an "ice breaker class," which is cool, because I've always wanted to do trust falls and ropes courses and two truths and a lie in the middle of the freaking ocean.

You're lucky it doesn't have a library, though, because then we'd also be playing The Book Game at sea. And at sea, no one can hear you scream.

joshcon80 said...

I'm actually really glad I'm thirty. The only thing I fear more than boats is the book game.